Why Won’t Your Man Commit?
By Alan Stafford As a relationship coach, I am often asked by women why theirpartners cheated on them or why their men won’t set awedding date. “After all”, they tell me, “we’re in a committedrelationship”. Maybe you’ve been there. In every case I askthese women, “what do you call a committed relationship?” To most women, commitment looks like this: you date, youbecome exclusive, you have sex. Therefore you are in acommitted relationship, right? Actually, even if you are committed, your partner is probablynot. Assuming that if you’re committed then your partner iscommitted is probably the main cause of dating problemstoday. A COMMITTED PARTNER IS NOT THE SAME AS ACOMMITTED RELATIONSHIP Remember, there’s a big difference between beingcommitted, and being in a committed relationship. It takestwo people to have a relationship. And it takes two people,both of whom are committed, to have a committedrelationship. What, then, is the definition of commitment? A good modelalready exists. It is the marriage vows most couples reciteduring weddings. “For better and worse, in sickness and inhealth, etc.” Total commitment means that you’ll stay in therelationship no matter what comes along. Realistically, few of us really are willing to commit totally.Total commitment would mean staying even through physicalabuse, severe mental disorders, or chronic infidelity. Therefore, most of us define commitment as staying in arelationship unless something extreme happens. Each of ushas his/her own definition of extreme, but the intentionis to have a permanent relationship. MAYBE YOU ARE IN A PRECOMMITTED RELATIONSHIP You’ve been dating exclusively and have had sex. Youconsider yourself committed, but you’re not sure about him.He never says words of commitment, he doesn’t offer a ringand a wedding date, and he never talks about your futuretogether. According to many of us relationship coaches, your man isprobably in the pre-commitment stage. If either one of you isin the relationship until someone better comes along, you arein a pre-committed relationship. In the pre-commitment stage, your partner can be faithful ,hecan act like the two of you are a couple, he can even tell youhe loves you. But, if he won’t verbalize his desire for apermanent relationship and isn’t willing to “go public” withthat desire, then he’s just pre-committed. And pre-committedmeans that you’re number one in his life-until someonebetter comes along. It may be discouraging to hear, but you’re wasting your timeplanning for your future together unless there’s clear evidenceof commitment by both partners. Committed relationshipscan’t exist unless and until both people commit. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dr. Alan Stafford, Relationship Results CoachI help Singles and Couples build relationships that workwww.relationshipsuccessexperts.com Click here to ask Alan a question about your biggest relationship issuehttp://relationshipsuccessexperts.com/askalan.htm Get our free newsletter for relationship tips and advicehttp://relationshipsuccessexperts.com/subscribe.html 2005 Alan Stafford/Relationship Success Experts ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Alan_Stafford http://EzineArticles.com/?Why-Wont-Your-Man-Commit?&id=111647 bad credit car purchase get a student loan with bad credit and no co signer credit cards for people with really bad credit credit loan military repair
